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I wonder

8/29/2016

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I’m old enough now that I’ve become bored with the person I’ve always been. I’ve used it up. And I no longer need it because I’ve retired from the world of work interactions it’s been such a part of. It’s time, then, to look for a new thing before time runs out.

So I wonder…

If I were to completely, utterly stop myself somehow, then start again from zero, where would I end up? If I were to look for a new beginning, specifically and only for myself, and look for it by myself, what could I find? I mean, If I were to ignore all answers from elsewhere--from religions, mythology, wise people--could I find anything on my own? Because I know now, after all these decades of trying, that I can’t take the beliefs of others seriously enough to wear them myself. I can only seriously believe myself and my own discoveries. They’re the only ones that to me consist of more than just words and abstract ideas.

So I’ll begin here and see where I end. I might at least make a baby step.

First. One thing I know about myself is that I’ve been soaked in good and bad. Since I was a child, it has poured on me like rain. Its clouds have never parted. I have feared punishment of one kind or another, and desired praise of one kind or another, continuously, all my life. Good-and-bad is the person I have always been. Do I exist other than as that shell, perhaps inside it? Or is the shell empty?

I do know that good and bad themselves are illusions, because the eyes of science have let me step out of my wet self to see the rest of the world naked. I know that world exists. Looking back on myself, I know that even I exist without good and bad. There is a dry me, an inner me who might be able to truly see the dry world, not just imagine it. If only I could step in there, wholly. In where there is no evaluating, no judging, only acceptance of everything. If that’s what a dry self is, then my dry self would just exist with everything else. Including that world of fear and reward and punishment. That’s who I would like to be because I would then embody truth.

How different would I be? Is good and bad, reward and punishment, the need to please others, such an overwhelming part of me that without it I would be completely different? Certainly, I would be a lot different from my nearly lifelong self that had been built from shyness, from that world of fear. But would I see reality in a completely different way? Like night and day? I have always felt that my sight was deadened, blocked somehow. Maybe this is the reason why.
But would a change like this actually be possible for me? In reality? I can see that it should be possible. And I know that I could pretend to myself to be that person. And I would certainly like to just exist with everything, including with myself.

It may be possible but very difficult to bring about. Instincts may force me to remain as I always have. And habit. And a long-trained unconscious mind. And if I consist so deeply and fully of good-and-bad, and if all the other people in the society I live in are constructed the same, then to exist outside of it might require me to be a hermit.

But when I think of all our interactions, of what they’re like, it doesn't feel like being a hermit would be absolutely necessary. If it isn’t necessary, then might it be possible that all of us are closer to being this pure person than I suspect. Might it be possible that the pure being of others is always alive in there, and living with their good-and-bad self? That the two, working together, are flexible and more accepting of another pure person than I would expect? And therefore, might it be possible that I am one of those people, always seeing everything through both sets of eyes? In which case, could it be that I wouldn't have to become a completely different person? I don’t know. I’m just wondering.


PS: After posting this, in the comments below it, Aldous Richards astounded me with what must be the answer to my question.

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We'll see...

8/28/2016

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Picture
We'll see
Breakfast out in the morning air,
mind still mumbling over some strange dream
as it picks its slow stumbling way towards possibly 
a fresh day.


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What if...

8/27/2016

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In remembering an incident from your past, the kind that causes acute mental pain, anguish, regret, you remember it as a friend would hear it if you told the story to them. What if YOU could recall it that way? Learn to.

In this sense you could say there are two ways of looking at a bad memory--either through all that hurt it contains once again, or as a human story. The audience can only see it the second way, and maybe learning to see it through the eyes of others is a way out of the overwhelming personal horror of the memory. Maybe. This is reminiscent of the old idea of the writer who writes a perfect description of the most cherished memory of his life, only to find that he can no longer remember it, only his words of descri[tion.

In sum, maybe we need to do the opposite to holding our pain inside, to refusing to pollute others with its negativity. We need to struggle to put the horrific situation and the pain it caused into the best possible description and then tell it to someone, or write it down and post it on Facebook. That way, we have removed it from ourselves, from its secret hiding place inside, from where it continually infests our minds. We've turned it into a sculpture, something that anyone can look at, relate to, and learn from. Including ourselves. It is then just another interesting part of our lives.



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How can I and London Open Mic both survive?

8/19/2016

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Picture
I’ve been trying to decide whether I should stay on as organizer of London Open Mic Poetry. I recently had a mini-stroke, which was largely caused by stress. And organizing the open mic, together with its related events, has caused me far more stress these last four years than I should have put myself through at my age. So, if I’m going to survive this adventure, I must either quit right now or seriously manage my stress level.
 
And stress isn’t the only cause of strokes and heart disease. There are three main factors involved.
 
The big one is diet. Actually I eat quite well. I’m addicted to fruit so I eat a lot of it, and I love vegetables as well. Both are good for the arteries. And, luckily, hamburger is revolting to me, and I’m not crazy about any other kind of beef either. I eat chicken breast (which is not too bad) but only because I always thought I had to eat some kind of meat. My big downfall is ice cream, but I do a fairly good job of restraining myself.
 
Exercise is the second big factor. Well, most days I climb the ten flights of our apartment building. Plus, I do a lot more walking than most people do. So I’m okay exercise-wise.
 
Stress is my big problem. I’ve always been quite anxious, both generally and from shyness. But my stress-load has escalated dramatically these last four years because I’ve been trying to break out of my shyness by confronting my fears of people head on. It’s worked; I’ve lost most of my shyness, and was nearly anxiety-free during the last couple of events. However, at the time I had my mini-stroke I was worried that Linda might have pancreatic cancer. It turned out to be something else, as yet unknown, but, at the time, I was very stressed out by the possibility. And, when the stroke happened, I was on the 9th flight up and pushing myself too hard.
 
Quitting the open mic should be my obvious next move, even though the organization isn’t quite ready to carry on without me. Two of our most important people have had to leave the city—Shelly Harder and Koral Scott. And we need more time to figure out how it should be led, probably by more than one person. No matter, my personal survival is obviously a lot more important than these petty problems.
 
What I’ve decided to do, nevertheless, at least for now, is to carry on, and change my lifestyle as much as possible at the same time.
 
When I'm exercising, I’m not going to push myself at more than the equivalent of a brisk walk. And I’m taking the correct amount of Aspirin, a blood thinner, just in case. And I’m dramatically reducing my stress load. If you’re curious how I’m going to do that, here’s the list:
 
  1. I’m keeping an eye on my anxiety level all the time, and stepping out of what I’m doing when I feel it go up. This is big, and my mini-stroke provides continuous motivation to keep me monitoring it.
  2. I’m using a Weekly Diary now, so that the full week is open on my desk in front of me all the time. At the bottom of the 2 pages of the week, I’m keeping a list of all the week’s to-dos. Then I enter each into the appropriate day, so I can see them continuously and not have to worry.
  3.  More importantly, for everything I have to do, looking ahead at two month’s worth of events, at everything leading up to and following each one, I’m entering them all in the appropriate days, including when to begin work on them and the deadlines, all well in advance. And any other odd things I have to do are all entered into their days, well in advance, as well. This may seem obvious, but just having them in the book means I don’t have to be constantly worrying if I’m forgetting something, or if I’m late with something. This worry by itself causes a tremendous amount of stress, which builds to burnout by the end of the season.
  4. I’m getting other committee members to do as much as I can get them to do, to take some of the load off me.
  5. As difficult as this one may be, I’m going to restrain myself from coming up with new ideas. I’m good at this, and really enjoy it, but inevitably I have to do most of the work on each one myself. So from now on, the new ideas will belong to other people. They think them up, present them to me, I smile, and they do them.
  6. Meditation. I’ve intended to do this most of my life but have never kept at it for more than a few days. Now’s the time to get into it for good. Something new. A REAL lifestyle change.
 
And quite some time ago I read that it is possible to actually reverse hardening of the arteries, but it’s not easy because all three of the big causal factors have to be tackled simultaneously: diet, exercise and stress. I’m determined.
 
So there it is. I and the open mic will survive, hopefully, and carry on. AND, because of these changes, I will enjoy the whole thing a lot more than I have. It’s not easy to really enjoy anything that causes too much stress.


​

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Scott Alderson Sounds like you are aware of the changes you need to make to ensure longevity. My own experience with writers groups and volunteer organizations is that they carried on without me because I had created them to be viable without me. I suspect you have done the same. Shyness is difficult to overcome and prevents many great writers from becoming known. Face it, we are naked behind our words when on podium or stage. I took comfort in the hundreds of dead poets that had walked my road before me when I was a busker in Calgary. To quote the band Kansas, "Carry on my wayward son"
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Stan Burfield Good attitude, Scott.
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Larry Burfield Some good planning. I am quite similar in character, and find deadlines are always stressful. I try and stay away from them as much as possible, but some are going to happen. I find taking time to reflect about the good things in our half full glass help me at distressing, and let go of things I can not change, but are going to happen if I can change it or not, and the world does not stop because I can't change it. Life has given us a lot of things to be thankful for!
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Stan Burfield That's especially good advice for me!
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Wendi Waters At this moment I realized how much I've taken London Open Mic Poetry. All I have to do is show up. I never thought much about all the organizing that goes on behind the scenes. You've done an amazing job and I, for one, am very grateful. I was very impressed the few times I attended and hope I can step up to give you a hand in the fall. In fact, I am moving to the apartments across the street from Mykonos. So, I hope you ask me for help because I am offering to do what I can, Stan!
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Stan Burfield Great! We'll see how it all goes. Thanks, Wendi!
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Wendi Waters Ok, first sentence supposed to read: At this moment I realized how much I've taken London Open Mic Poetry FOR GRANTED, lol!
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Amy Lavender Harris You deserve to be able to enjoy good health. XO.
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Stan Burfield That's how I see it too. :)
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Meredith Moeckel I really appreciate you sharing your de-stressing plans with us fellow stress ridden folks (Like ME, unfortunately!). I've heard that stress is responsible for approximately 90% of deaths in the US (and I'm sure that it goes without saying that they're referring to illnesses made worse by stress! SCARY!) I am also an extremely anxious person, and sometimes it comes on quite viciously & for no apparent reason, which is really irritating bigtime!! I too want to (re) learn how to meditate, and thankfully there are MANY great sites online where one can learn proper (and some different) techniques. I'll bet that I've signed up for online mediation courses at least 20 +/- times over the past few years, but for whatever reason, I never followed through with any of them. While on this topic, are you already good at meditating, or are you going to take any refresher courses? If the latter, perhaps you can share which site you sign up with (and you can PM me if you like for this info). On another topic, I've asked my primary care doctor if it's good to take a baby aspirin a day, but he maintains that it's not necessary (I asked him about this long time ago, obviously, to help prevent what you went through, or worse!). I've been meaning to research this on my own, but perhaps you can share the reasons that your doctor might have shared w/ you for taking one.....Lastly, I agree with Larry's comment above about letting go of the things we cannot change or control! I have worked diligently to NOT even allow myself to spend energy worrying about things/people I have no control over (Especially @ night when worrying about others!). Sometimes it's not easy to remember to "Let Go, Let God", but it's definitely worth remembering!!! Take care, and good luck!! :)
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Larry Burfield Meredith, I can relate to a lot of your comments. Re baby aspirin, I was on that for many years. I was diagnosed in 1973 with very high blood pressure, when I was taking a job application medical (225/149) Needless to say I ended up in hospital to find out why, and they never came up with an absolute answer. So the pill companies have loved me ever since. After my stroke 4 years ago, they put me on stronger blood thinners, and a bleed and bruise easy now but I am alive and "smelling the flowers" When coming back to my room and needing a ceiling hoist and a sling to get from my bed to my wheel chair at first, and absolutely no movement in my left arm for over 3 weeks, I feel very fortunate to be able to enjoy life now. Life is not perfect, and I realize I cant make it that way. I would still like to, and have ideas, but nobody knows if they would work. I am able to enjoy my 5 grandchildren, and going to Alberta at the end of this month to celebrate a couple of their birthdays. Since retiring in 2008, I have resided in BC
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Stan Burfield (Just got back from a going-away party for Shelly Harder.)....Nice to hear both of your stories in dealing with stress. Meredith Moeckel, I'm the kind of person who tends not to ask for advice until I just can't do something on my own, so I've never taken a meditation course, and probably never will. But I have plenty of experience because that's how I often get to sleep at night: I meditatle lying down, and suddenly it's morning. So I'm just doing that sitting up now. :)...By the way, I think you're a lot more anxious than I am. The best thing for someone with your level of anxiety is to take a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It really does work for bad anxiety. Meditation would help you keep yourself at that new level of anxiety once the therapy got you there. The best way is to go to a professional therapist, but you can get it in book form (do it yourself) on Amazon. There are several good ones. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is the only form of therapy for anxiety, depression, etc, that really works. And well. The other therapiesdo to some extent, with some people, often only with the right therapist, etc. .....About Aspirin, if you don't have high blood pressure, it doesn't do you any good, because your arteries aren't reduced in size to the point where a tiny blood clot could block them where they enter the brain or the heart muscle. And you seem to be fairly slim, so you probably don't have hypertension. I was just 30 pounds over the weight I am now and I had quite high blood pressure and had to take pills for it. Then I lost the 30 pounds and my blood pressure came down to normal and I came off the pills. But I'm still about 20 pounds above where I should be, and that combined with high stress and high physical exertion put the blood clot in the artery in my brain. You probably don't have the extra weight, or the extra exertion. Just the stress. But still, with that amount of stress, I would think it would be a good thing to take one baby Aspirin anyway. But your doctor should be able to tell. And you would for sure have to tell him about your stress level. Anyway, for me, even though I have normal blood pressure now, I still had that mini-stroke, so now I'm on two baby Aspirins a day, instead of the one as before.
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Stan Burfield Larry Burfield, as I mentioned to Meredith, my blood pressure went from high to normal just by getting my weight down. I think being overweight is the biggest cause of all these problems. I don't know if your doctor told you that. I think that often they don't bother because they've given up on trying to get people to lose weight. I found out how to do it, if you're interested. I think there's only one way that works, which I happened to stumble on. And it's surprisingly easy done that way.
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Elli Kritikos Hope you're doing well I hope you decide what needs to be done health or your passion take care of yourself👍🏼
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Andrew Thomas Awad Meditation has always helped me to cope with stress, wishing you, good health and prosperity.
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Yvonne Maggs Sounds like you know what you are doing, so keep up the good work...
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Carol Reid This all sounds good, good planning, new directions, fewer initiatives, healthy eating, stress management - it can be done, I salute you and understand that it isn't simple or easy. Meditation is simply breathing in and out, you can do it anywhere under any circumstances, lecturing, driving, whatever. If you are interested in autogenic breathing, can give you some pretty goods links. Good luck with all your efforts, Stan.
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Stan Burfield Thanks. Never heard of autogenic breathing. I would be interested.
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Violetta Josefina Martinez Good for you! Nothing is easy...
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I'm now a published poet! I guess it's about time.

8/7/2016

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My poem is coming out in the anthology, Another London, to be published by Harmonia Press this fall. It’s only the second time I’ve ever submitted a poem for publication. The first time was about 25 years ago, to Descant Magazine, which sent back a letter saying they would publish it if I would just cut out some of the fat first. I could see what they meant but never got around to it, or to ever trying to get another poem published until now.

Why now? Because I couldn’t resist the idea of this anthology, and I can’t wait to get my copy. Imagine: an extremely diverse group of poems written by a very diverse assortment of poets, all about this one small city, and living in it! How could anyone not want to read that?

My poem is a description of my experience taking part in the Guerrilla Poetry aspect of last November’s Words Festival of the Creative and Literary Arts. Tom Cull, who has just now become the city’s new Poet Laureate, created this very weird, strange and scary (for such a shy person as me) event. Four little groups of readers ventured out on the streets of downtown London to startle unprepared pedestrians with poetry. My group contained Tom, Andy Verboom (who is now a member of London Open Mic’s organizing committee), and a wonderful, humourous reader named Aileen House.

Prior to the event, two Facebook friends, Donald Brackett and Al Broudy, suggested I read Lawrence Ferlinghetti, and so I did, two poems called Dog and Underwear. They were perfect for the situation. I had never read Ferlinghetti before and one of the pleasures of the event for me was reading a lot of his poems in advance, as well as ones by other poets I had never touched before. Reading them casually, just to see if they would be appropriate, instead of tackling their intricacies and profundities with as much mental force and energy as I could muster, which is my normal reading strategy, allowed me to just enjoy them, to let them sneak up on me and go, “BOO!” So now I read poetry like that all the time, on my first reading, and then bear down on the second. Big lesson.
​
Plus, I and my shyness survived doing it.

I AM STANDING ON A CRATE READING LAWRENCE FERLINGHETTI

I am here now. This
is no longer an alternate future, or someone else's.
I am stretched up tight on this crate
looking down at these 
slow-moving bodies,
my spine hard against
the stone edge
of Starbuck's window wall,
buffeted by wind and buses
that bellow around this cold corner--
this dark Richmond and Dundas
where I would not be.

Yet I am only two barefoot beatnik blocks down
from City Lights Book Shop
nicely named for Ferlinghetti's own,
in Frisco way back then.

And now up on the crate I too am wearing
that F-beard in which he preached to his
beat colleagues passion
for all these dead poor
these no fame no friends
these leaning here into the slow tide of the block
drifting through time's 
pool out of jail for a while
getting by as if free
maybe trying
to like each other or one or some.

I am calm standing on this crate,
wearing this body here now
like someone else's or no one's--

and anyway no one looks at me; my eyes
are always in the book, my ears on my sonorous
voice; and elsewhere
with Ferlinghetti
enticing his empathetic, liberal
poet friends:

"Let's go
Come on
Let's go
Empty out our pockets
and disappear,
Missing all our appointments..."

No one hears. 
And these, with no appointments
to miss, don't care. 
His friends aren't here.

Even so, we few crate poets
yes we have left our safe homes
our cars in the overnight lots
our cell phones in our pockets
and like Ferlinghetti we do our hour
up on our soap boxes
dropping loud words 
down into the block.



​

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Yeah!!! I'm finally a published poet!

8/6/2016

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I just got word back from Andreas Gripp & Carrie Lee Connel,
the editors of the anthology, Another London, that they've accepted my poem "I am standing on a crate reading Lawrence Ferlinghetti".

I'm off for my MRI now. I'll dig it out and post it when I get back.


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Well, the MRI is done. 

8/6/2016

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The technician said, "Are you claustrophobic?" "No." "Put these ear plugs in. It's quite loud." "Okay." "Try not to move your head." "Okay." She shoved pads down both sides of my head to hold it in place and lowered a face mask over me. I felt like a deep-sea diver. She gave me a squeeze ball to hold with my left hand and shouted in at me: "Just squeeze this anytime and it will all be stopped." As the bed, and my head, began sliding into that big mouth, she said, "It'll only take a minute." It took about five. I wasn't anxious, except that I didn't know HOW still I had to hold my head. Could I even swallow? So, in the middle of this overwhelming experience I closed my eyes and set myself the task of trying to figure that out. Working out the various factors. Thinking. It's so relaxing. Being myself, doing my thing. I drifted into another space; I was no longer there. Until she said something tinny on the microphone and the bed started moving out. No problem, except that I forgot where the change room was, and then how to get out of there.

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Medical Update, for those interested

8/5/2016

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Here’s what happened: On Monday I was doing my usual stair climb. I think I was on the ninth flight of stairs, out of ten. By #8 I had been puffing heavily. I always slow down when that happens, so as not to get a heart attack in the stairwell. But I guess I was still pushing it too hard. My right leg went partially numb. At the same time there was a strange kind of numb feeling in my head (inside my brain?).

The leg didn't go completely numb and I was able to get to the apartment and sit down. It lasted about three minutes. Luckily, I immediately recognized it as a mini-stroke, so looked it up on the internet. It said to get to the hospital without delay. I took a cab and was in a bed within half an hour of it happening. (They ushered me right in, past a huge room full of waiting people!)

A nurse took ten phials of blood; another did an ultrasound of the arteries in my neck that lead into my brain, into me. The next day I went back and they slid me through the big CT Scanner.

The doctor said they found a tiny enlargement in my cortex, in an area that indicated it was probably caused by a blood clot from my heart. The CT Scan wasn’t detailed enough to be sure, so tomorrow I will go in for an MRI scan. (Which I would love to watch on the screen. Not too many people’s minds ever get the opportunity to see themselves!) Then, a couple days later, I go for an echocardiogram, which is an ultrasound of my heart, I guess to look for the source of the blood clot, and maybe also to see if a heart attack might be imminent as well. They’ll also attach a monitor to my chest to watch my heart rhythms over 48 hours.

And all because of only three minute
s of numbness! Since then, nothing else has happened, thankfully. And the stroke doesn’t seem to have produced any side effects in me. So this is the best possible outcome: a very real occurrence that leaves no damage but nevertheless is loud enough to get me to change my lifestyle.

The doctor, a stroke specialist, gave me a sheaf of notes he had put together on how to prevent further strokes, which included a lot of vegetarian recipes. Essentially, he said, our meat and ice cream diets are the main causes of strokes--and heart attacks. Followed closely by lack of exercise and stress.

Well, I probably eat better than the average Canadian (loving fruit and vegetables and not caring much for meat), and probably even do better-than-average exercise-wise. That leaves stress.

So I’m making some big changes.

In terms of food, I’m aiming towards being a vegetarian, cutting fats and meats, but also, in the interests of health, cholesterol, sugar, and salt. As much as possible, anyway, without becoming a fanatic. I would have already been a vegetarian except that Linda is such a carnivore. But now, because of the big medical scare she had gone through just before I had my stroke (which caused me to worry so much about her that I had the stroke), she has totally changed her eating habits. Now she’s really getting into foods she has always avoided like the plague. So it will be a lot easier for me to change too.

(In case you are a believer in the health benefits of lots of protein and/or fats, the latest large-scale studies show that of the three diets—high protein, high carbohydrates, and high fats—only the high carbohydrate diet increases the life span of the people who live on it. Both of the others reduce the average life span. You can find the studies on the internet.)

In terms of exercise, I’m going to increase it, not decrease it, but not push the aerobics too hard. Keeping it to the pace of a brisk walk will be good for me and shouldn’t kill me.

In terms of stress, I have to make a lot of changes. Whether or not I keep organizing the open mic, I’m not sure of yet. I would like to see it carry on when I quit.

Until I quit, there are a lot of things I can do to reduce my stress load. For starters, I’ve been terrible at organizing myself and my usage of time. Doing it properly is largely a matter of continually writing in a calendar the things that have to be done, when they have to be finished, when started, and when each aspect of them should be worked on to get them done in time. And all this needs to be done two events in advance because the work on them overlaps. I’ve always tried (but never succeeded) to get myself to do this properly. Consequently, I’m always worrying about whether I’m missing things, or if I’m getting them done on time. That worry causes continuous stress, a stress that builds up over time. By the end of the season, I’m burnt out from it.

Another thing I’m going to stop doing is two things at once. Any two things, even simple things like having the TV on while I’m writing something on the computer. Or even having music on while I’m working. Or carrying on a conversation while I’m doing anything. Etc, etc. I’ve noticed that part of my brain suffers tremendous stress from continually trying to sort it all out. (I imagine it doesn’t work this way in extreme extroverts, who need a lot happening just to stay awake.)

I see Linda several times a day sitting out on the balcony meditating. During these times, I have to be careful not to disturb her, which is difficult when she’s there all alone in that beautiful balcony room she’s created, looking out over the green trees of the city, seemingly just waiting to have a good conversation. Instead, I watch and learn the value of meditation. And now, finally, I’m going to join her. After a lifetime of tiny attempts. Hopefully, meditating will stop the stress from building through the day.
​
Our lives are mostly composed of a steady stream of risks, along with a steady stream of attempts to minimize them. In other words, we live on hope. I’ve reached the point where the next failed risk will likely end my life. So from now on it has to be all or nothing.

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Yesterday I had a mini-stroke.

8/2/2016

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Picture
It was a warning. And now Linda and I have both had powerful shots across the bow, both in the last few days.

Just before my stroke, I was afraid Linda might have the worst cancer going, pancreatic. Luckily it turned out to be something else, we’re not sure what yet, but if it had been pancreatic cancer she wouldn’t have had more than a year to live.

In my case, I certainly didn’t think I was close to being stroke material. For a long time, my diet and exercise habits have been better than average. But I’ve ignored the big third factor, stress, at my peril. Actually, instead of reducing it in my retirement, I’ve dramatically increased my stress load by becoming a social organizer, not an easy job for a shy person. During the open mic’s first couple of years, my stress was often so high I worried about having a heart attack. But I got through that. And finally, during the last season, the fourth, I felt like I was coasting: I was much less shy, thanks to forcing myself out into the social world all that time, and I seemed to be less anxious in general. However, it looks like that kind of long-term stress builds itself into the body; it’s very telling that it was during this last week of worry about Linda that I had this mini-stroke.
​
Anyway, we’ve both survived, and now we’re seriously working on our lives, hoping to reverse these problems before it’s too late. And that is possible. People who survive their first heart attack or mini-strokes often live long healthy lives simply because they start off in a fresh new direction after hitting rock bottom.


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    Stan Burfield's Blog

    Organizer of London Open Mic Poetry. former support worker for people with autism and developmental disabilities.  former farm boy, former adventurer, former florist.
    The 2014 Ted Plantos Memorial Award

    Interview in Your Old South Magazine
    Interview: The "My Writing Process" Blog Tour

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    Going Out
    1. House Fly Dancing to Mozart

    Videos
    *Linda at the Christmas Craft Show
    *Our apartment
    *The  indigenous poetry event
    *Lake of Fear
    *The art of the slow talk
    *Our new Guerrilla Poetry series at the library
    *Stan discovers some treasure.

    Photo Albums
    *2 hours in one of Linda's days
    *How'd she get in there? 
    *Before the leaves
    *Pensive in winter mist.
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    *Linda's Christmas decorations 
    *Linda and her Christmas display
    *Linda made whole wheat scones.
    *Seeing Linda off
    ​
    *Linda in first day of snow. ​
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    *We'll see...
    ​*Linda and I in the Rose Garden. 
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    *​A perfect day to stroll in the woods. 
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    Short Blurbs
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    *On this Valentines Day... ​
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    *A sunny dream, with no fear.
    *Little mistakes....
    *A label for the essence of something
    *​Dream of a typed poem
    *Here's what I want:
    *I like her quirks.
    *A little success
    *The course of history...
    *From "The Cat's Table" by Ondaatje
    *Happy to be a citizen again
    *I THINK IT’S LIKE THIS.
    *I'm so lucky.
    *After rollercoastering, I'm excited!!!
    *Old photos
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    *What is TRUMP''S AUTHORITARIANISM all about?
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    *Out of a harsh thing...
    *Mr. Moon comes rolling in.
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    *Will I and the Open Mic both survive?
    *I'm now a published poet! Finally.
    *Well, the MRI is done. 
    *Yeah!!! I'm finally a published poet!
    *Medical Update, for those interested
    *Yesterday I had a mini-stroke.
    *We being ourselves.
    *Enormous relief
    *Orange-oatmeal cookies!
    *To put London Open Mic behind me
    ​
    *She sings!
    *Worried
    *While walking home from the store with cherries...
    *Science
    *Standing Still
    *Hey, get a job!
    ​
    *Linda and I are learning to trust.
    *Linda is away visiting relatives. 
    *"We halted and so knew that the quiet night was full of sounds..."
    ​
    *"We halted and so knew that the quiet night was full of sounds..."
    ​
    *Diet and health/longevity
    *Edward Hopper: Woman in Train Compartment
    *A pea and a bean in a pod
    ​*Colt!
    ​*Don't get it off your chest.
    ​*In a world that is neither Heaven nor Hell, hope drives everything.
    *Roy is 80
    *What is going on with these incredible coincidences I keep having?
    *My world of coincidences
    *Is that rumble a distant train or the city?
    *Revelations are everywhere.
    *Knowing you
    *Despite...
    ​
    *The sound of love
    ​
    *Our smile for the day
    *Hurricanes Carla and Esther
    ​*Time Warp!

    *The Pow Wow
    *The Polar Sea
    *Other people
    *Moccasin Bells
    * Stories from my life
    *Je  suis Charlie Hebdo, mais....
    *Life at a fire lookout tower
    *Dominoes
    *Grinch
    *This was my dad in 1965
    *Blue

    Personal Essays
    *Here’s my inch, for what it’s worth
    *Freedom to talk
    *I wonder
    ​*Will I and the Open Mic both survive?
    *Medical Update, for those interested
    *Fred, my father
    *THIS  IS  GETTING  TOO  WEIRD:  the nearly-impossible coincidences are rolling in en masse now.
    *After four seasons, I'm flying!
    ​
    *True North
    ​
    *Back to work on poetry, finally!!
    ​
    *Maybe it's time to see a psychiatrist.
    *66: My best birthday ever.
    *Out of darkness..
    *Hacker attack. Oh man...
    *Jean Vanier, what is this thing he's discovered?
    *Jean Vanier and L'Arche
    *But then again...
    *A Most Useful Invention
    *Building my next beater.
    *My dreams are full of people now.
    *Dear Diary: Relax. Take your boots off. 
    *Those big pictures
    *An UnSilent Night
    *Urban Legends
    *Familiar
    *I  had a glass of Landon Cabernet last night
    *The Less-educated Imagination
    *Listen, I'll tell you something that's really got me worried
    *Can't get enough


    Poems
    *The universe as a poem
    *If you don't know
    *A meander through Euston Park 
    *The Picard Card
    *To Open the Morning
    * We'll see...
    *1st published poem: On a Crate 
    *We decide
    *Standing Still
    *DRINK
    *Oblivious
    *Some Other Place
    *Tinnitus
    *It seems you just have to be still
    *In the Night
    *When I was young
    *Not for inspiration
    *Oh
    *Concerning our Glorious Future: (2nd prize winner at 2014 Poetry London Contest)
    *Yes I heard Ginsberg read once he said prepare for death
    *Amazement
    *Getting used to it
    *And now the news
    *Heart Shaped


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