I thought about it and said, “Well, I start thinking.”
He said, “Why does the thinking keep you awake?”
“I guess it makes me anxious. Yes. I start thinking about things that cause me anxiety, and then I’m wide awake.”
Pause.
“So how do you get to sleep in the first place?”
“I stop myself from thinking.”
“Like in meditation?”
“Yeah, I keep myself from thinking as long as I can and suddenly I’m asleep. But sometimes, like they say always happens in meditation, I start thinking again and then have to stop myself over again. But usually I can do it.”
Another pause.
“So then thinking causes anxiety?”
“Now that you mention it, it seems to quite often. And yet I get many of my most fulfilling moments from thinking. Trying to understand things.”
Carl left me hanging there, which is something he gets a big kick out of doing. He likes to ask a lot of questions but never give any answers.
Well, later, as it sank in, which he knew it would, I thought to myself: “I guess it’s finally time to start meditating.” But just as I thought that, I thought, “No, it’s not the meditating I need to do but the stopping thinking.” And then suddenly I imagined myself moving calmly through my normal day, doing chores, taking care of responsibilities, socializing, listening to Mozart, all without thinking. Just gliding through everything. Wow. Such a beautiful vision!
Okay, I think I’m going to try it. Who knows, maybe it’s easier done than thought about. Or done without thinking about it.
Or just done. Is that the way to think about it?
Carl? Are you there?
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