and was pulling up my pants
when the door popped open and
Linda’s wide eyes looked up
into mine, and she said,
“I had an aggressive sales lady today.”
I caved, as usual: “Where was this?”
“You know, up at the mall.”
“Uh, okay, what was she like?”
“She was very European, in her forties,
with reddish brown hair
tied up, and reddish lipstick. She whizzed
around at everybody saying, ‘Oh no,
that’s beautiful on you - you should take it.’
You know, just doing the circuit."
(Linda was getting animated herself,
talking through a smile with her arms flying.)
“I came out of the fitting room
with five dresses over my arm
and handed her back four. She picked one up
and said, ‘why don’t you like this one?’
I said, ‘It’s too
long and way too
dressy. I just want a casual one to wear
when I go grocery shopping and when
it’s hot.’ So then,
in a high-pitched tone,
she said, ‘What’s wrong with these?’
I said, ‘I only wanted one.’
She said, ‘Oh, so you’re taking two?’ I said, ‘No,
just the one.’ She said, ‘Why aren’t you taking these?'
I said, ‘Because they’re
too tight
around the boobs.'
She said, ‘Well that one you’re taking isn’t extra extra large!’
I said ‘Well, it fits.’
After I paid for it, I looked up at her
and said, ‘That’s a pretty blouse you’re wearing.’
She said, ‘Oh.
I didn’t buy it here.’”
Stan Burfield