Yesterday I had a run of fatigue that was obviously caused by one of the pills I've just started taking for atrial fibrillation. Then this morning I woke early and couldn't get back to sleep, so I knew that, between the two sources of tiredness, I was in for another rough day, probably worse than yesterday.

Nevertheless, having just woken up, I didn't feel too bad yet, neither tired not anxious, so I quickly decided to do as much of my stress-inducing open mic work as I could, in one fell swoop, and get it over with before the fatigue and the anxiety of doing it caught up with me.

And I did: five things, including one that was tanglingly complicated and one that was major, all in about two hours. By then, even though the stress was noticeable, and the sleepiness was setting in, I felt free of all the bad jobs, and satisfied, and the rest of the day was mine. So obviously I had hit upon something and decided to do it this way in the future--stressful jobs first thing. Then, if nothing else, I would at least get my open mic work done, atrial fibrillation or not.

Another great idea followed from that. A couple weeks before, I had created my latest daily organisation chart, something I do occasionally to try to get myself a little more organised and productive, but which always proves to be a big failure. I just can never seem to get myself to plan my days and then actually follow the plans, doing one little thing at one time and another at another time. My latest chart had me working on 2,5 hours of poetry in the morning and 2,5 hours of novel writing in the afternoon, each preceded by and followed by open mic jobs. But even if my health problem hadn't injected itself, I know I wouldn't have been able to discipline myself enough anyway.

Now, after seeing that I had to do all my stressful jobs in the morning, to make sure I would do them at all, it occurred to me that I could simply assign the rest of the day to one major project, instead of chopping it up into robotic pieces, and tackle that one thing whenever I was up to it and for as long as it felt good. One project a day, no set hours. Wow, why didn't I think of that decades ago? (Well, because until I was retired, my one project had always been work, of course.)

The follow-up question is, won't the medication-induced fatigue prevent work on that one project? I don't think so. I can take naps to revive myself. And/or meditate. Then there's stubbornness and determination. And anyway, creation always seems to produce its own energy out of thin air: So this will be an interesting experiment to see if that energy, which is always so weirdly unexpected, can overcome the fatigue of medication!

I'm already getting energy just from the unexpected creation of these life-changing ideas. I would never have expected that I could squeeze such good stuff out of what should be a big downer, having my first mini-stroke!
Photo: Me at 20. Time keeps doing its thing and I keep doing mine.


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Carol Reid You're onto something!
Unlike · Reply · 1 · 6 September at 19:59

Linda Eva Williams Sweet Stan, you work so hard at understanding. And still retain your sense of humour. By the way, what are you doing in this pic? I keep wanting to see a mic.
Unlike · Reply · 1 · 6 September at 20:53

Stan Burfield I think a relative was over and I was having a conversation. It was Christmas time.
Like · Reply · 6 September at 20:55

Linda Eva Williams You? Conversing??
Like · Reply · 6 September at 21:05

Stan Burfield Bizarre but true. I can even remember who it was with. A cousin from New Zealand.
Like · Reply · 6 September at 21:05


Larry Burfield You sure remind me of your sister in this photo.
Like · Reply · 7 September at 00:34

Stan Burfield Interesting. That never would have occurred to me.
Like · Reply · 7 September at 12:32



Karen Troxler Thanks for sharing, it might help other procrastinators, like moi!
Unlike · Reply · 1 · 7 September at 07:54

Here’s what happened: On Monday I was doing my usual stair climb. I think I was on the ninth flight of stairs, out of ten. By #8 I had been puffing heavily. I always slow down when that happens, so as not to get a heart attack in the stairwell. But I guess I was still pushing it too hard. My right leg went partially numb. At the same time there was a strange kind of numb feeling in my head (inside my brain?).

The leg didn't go completely numb and I was able to get to the apartment and sit down. It lasted about three minutes. Luckily, I immediately recognized it as a mini-stroke, so looked it up on the internet. It said to get to the hospital without delay. I took a cab and was in a bed within half an hour of it happening. (They ushered me right in, past a huge room full of waiting people!)

A nurse took ten phials of blood; another did an ultrasound of the arteries in my neck that lead into my brain, into me. The next day I went back and they slid me through the big CT Scanner.

The doctor said they found a tiny enlargement in my cortex, in an area that indicated it was probably caused by a blood clot from my heart. The CT Scan wasn’t detailed enough to be sure, so tomorrow I will go in for an MRI scan. (Which I would love to watch on the screen. Not too many people’s minds ever get the opportunity to see themselves!) Then, a couple days later, I go for an echocardiogram, which is an ultrasound of my heart, I guess to look for the source of the blood clot, and maybe also to see if a heart attack might be imminent as well. They’ll also attach a monitor to my chest to watch my heart rhythms over 48 hours.

And all because of only three minutes of numbness! Since then, nothing else has happened, thankfully. And the stroke doesn’t seem to have produced any side effects in me. So this is the best possible outcome: a very real occurrence that leaves no damage but nevertheless is loud enough to get me to change my lifestyle.

The doctor, a stroke specialist, gave me a sheaf of notes he had put together on how to prevent further strokes, which included a lot of vegetarian recipes. Essentially, he said, our meat and ice cream diets are the main causes of strokes--and heart attacks. Followed closely by lack of exercise and stress.

Well, I probably eat better than the average Canadian (loving fruit and vegetables and not caring much for meat), and probably even do better-than-average exercise-wise. That leaves stress.

So I’m making some big changes.

In terms of food, I’m aiming towards being a vegetarian, cutting fats and meats, but also, in the interests of health, cholesterol, sugar, and salt. As much as possible, anyway, without becoming a fanatic. I would have already been a vegetarian except that Linda is such a carnivore. But now, because of the big medical scare she had gone through just before I had my stroke (which caused me to worry so much about her that I had the stroke), she has totally changed her eating habits. Now she’s really getting into foods she has always avoided like the plague. So it will be a lot easier for me to change too.

(In case you are a believer in the health benefits of lots of protein and/or fats, the latest large-scale studies show that of the three diets—high protein, high carbohydrates, and high fats—only the high carbohydrate diet increases the life span of the people who live on it. Both of the others reduce the average life span. You can find the studies on the internet.)

In terms of exercise, I’m going to increase it, not decrease it, but not push the aerobics too hard. Keeping it to the pace of a brisk walk will be good for me and shouldn’t kill me.

In terms of stress, I have to make a lot of changes. Whether or not I keep organizing the open mic, I’m not sure of yet. I would like to see it carry on when I quit.

Until I quit, there are a lot of things I can do to reduce my stress load. For starters, I’ve been terrible at organizing myself and my usage of time. Doing it properly is largely a matter of continually writing in a calendar the things that have to be done, when they have to be finished, when started, and when each aspect of them should be worked on to get them done in time. And all this needs to be done two events in advance because the work on them overlaps. I’ve always tried (but never succeeded) to get myself to do this properly. Consequently, I’m always worrying about whether I’m missing things, or if I’m getting them done on time. That worry causes continuous stress, a stress that builds up over time. By the end of the season, I’m burnt out from it.

Another thing I’m going to stop doing is two things at once. Any two things, even simple things like having the TV on while I’m writing something on the computer. Or even having music on while I’m working. Or carrying on a conversation while I’m doing anything. Etc, etc. I’ve noticed that part of my brain suffers tremendous stress from continually trying to sort it all out. (I imagine it doesn’t work this way in extreme extroverts, who need a lot happening just to stay awake.)

I see Linda several times a day sitting out on the balcony meditating. During these times, I have to be careful not to disturb her, which is difficult when she’s there all alone in that beautiful balcony room she’s created, looking out over the green trees of the city, seemingly just waiting to have a good conversation. Instead, I watch and learn the value of meditation. And now, finally, I’m going to join her. After a lifetime of tiny attempts. Hopefully, meditating will stop the stress from building through the day.
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Our lives are mostly composed of a steady stream of risks, along with a steady stream of attempts to minimize them. In other words, we live on hope. I’ve reached the point where the next failed risk will likely end my life. So from now on it has to be all or nothing.

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It was a warning. And now Linda and I have both had powerful shots across the bow, both in the last few days.

Just before my stroke, I was afraid Linda might have the worst cancer going, pancreatic. Luckily it turned out to be something else, we’re not sure what yet, but if it had been pancreatic cancer she wouldn’t have had more than a year to live.

In my case, I certainly didn’t think I was close to being stroke material. For a long time, my diet and exercise habits have been better than average. But I’ve ignored the big third factor, stress, at my peril. Actually, instead of reducing it in my retirement, I’ve dramatically increased my stress load by becoming a social organizer, not an easy job for a shy person. During the open mic’s first couple of years, my stress was often so high I worried about having a heart attack. But I got through that. And finally, during the last season, the fourth, I felt like I was coasting: I was much less shy, thanks to forcing myself out into the social world all that time, and I seemed to be less anxious in general. However, it looks like that kind of long-term stress builds itself into the body; it’s very telling that it was during this last week of worry about Linda that I had this mini-stroke.
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Anyway, we’ve both survived, and now we’re seriously working on our lives, hoping to reverse these problems before it’s too late. And that is possible. People who survive their first heart attack or mini-strokes often live long healthy lives simply because they start off in a fresh new direction after hitting rock bottom.


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