I've started writing a diary umpteen times in my life, and quickly stopped writing it as many times. It always seemed like too much work at the end of the day, and pointless work considering that the next day, not that one, was when I hoped to begin accomplishing my big things. The ones I had not already given up on, that is.
Also, much of the ordinary drivel of the day always felt negative to me one way or another, and no less so when I tried to put it on paper. Which is typical of someone suffering from chronic anxiety, I expect. I would rather not dwell on most of those things. Nor even admit their existance.
The trouble is that if everything has a negative feeling attached to it, no matter how neutral or positive it actually is, then it's like having a low-level version of PTSD. Actually it's even worse than the real thing, because it's not just a few horrifying things that hit you hard with their memories, but nearly every little thing every day. And, as with heavy-duty PTSD, the bad memories are self reinforcing, because they just keep recurring, and every time they do, they're more unforgettable than before. Whereas the few good things that happen are forgotten right away.
I'm exaggerating, of course. (Which is typical.)
So writing all the day's events out in a diary doesn't help. However!! My new idea is to keep a diary of only the things that made me smile. The truly enjoyable things. That way I would reinforce them and not the others. If I can get myself to do that, and keep it up, maybe I'll end up feeling like someone living a not-so-bad life.
This idea is my first diary entry.
From Facebook: likes...1...Meredith Moeckel
To read the comments:....................................................................................
Also, much of the ordinary drivel of the day always felt negative to me one way or another, and no less so when I tried to put it on paper. Which is typical of someone suffering from chronic anxiety, I expect. I would rather not dwell on most of those things. Nor even admit their existance.
The trouble is that if everything has a negative feeling attached to it, no matter how neutral or positive it actually is, then it's like having a low-level version of PTSD. Actually it's even worse than the real thing, because it's not just a few horrifying things that hit you hard with their memories, but nearly every little thing every day. And, as with heavy-duty PTSD, the bad memories are self reinforcing, because they just keep recurring, and every time they do, they're more unforgettable than before. Whereas the few good things that happen are forgotten right away.
I'm exaggerating, of course. (Which is typical.)
So writing all the day's events out in a diary doesn't help. However!! My new idea is to keep a diary of only the things that made me smile. The truly enjoyable things. That way I would reinforce them and not the others. If I can get myself to do that, and keep it up, maybe I'll end up feeling like someone living a not-so-bad life.
This idea is my first diary entry.
From Facebook: likes...1...Meredith Moeckel
To read the comments:....................................................................................
Linda Eva Williams I have never avidly re-read any of my diaries, not to say the exercise was futile.
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· Reply · 1
· 2 May at 21:14
Meredith Moeckel I love your idea Stan!! I have umpteen boxes of my diaries from umpteen years gone by. When Warren brought me a box of my older diaries I read several & realized that they were somewhat repetitive....and also on the negative side as you mentioned about some of yours. I haven't written in quite a while & I like your idea about "the positive". However, I just can't help but believe that it's also healing to get out the negative also.
I'll think about this further! Thanks for sharing my friend.
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· 3 May at 19:09
Linda Eva Williams Nicely stated, Meredith. I love your reference to the healing by dealing - with our struggles.
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· 3 May at 23:35
Linda Eva Williams I was clearly still under anaesthesia when I rather abruptly made my comment. Having re-read your words, I find them to be positive, though I must admonish you for saying "not-so-bad-life". You have led an exemplary life.
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· 3 May at 23:40
Stan Burfield Ha ha. Exemplary but difficult. How's that? :)
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· 3 May at 23:43
Linda Eva Williams Did you take that excellent photo with the book and coffee Mug?
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· Reply · 4 May at 00:54
Stan Burfield no. I've found if I don't put a photo with a posting on Weebly (my blog) it just puts a black square there. Distracting.
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· Reply · 4 May at 01:28
Linda Eva Williams No kidding. More of a deterrent.
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· Reply · 4 May at 02:06
Leslie Morris Sounds kinda like you're going to start a gratitude journal
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· 4 May at 03:41
Stan Burfield But gratitude to whom? I'm an agnostic. To myself, I guess. Yes, that works. Thanks to myself for having a good time, which makes sense as it's most'ly a matter of attitude, me not being very oppressed by my surroundings as some are.
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· Reply · 4 May at 13:47
Leslie Morris Who said you have to be grateful TO someone? You just need to be grateful FOR something.
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· Reply · 1
· Yesterday at 03:57
Stan Burfield I guess you're right. Though glad might be a bit more precise term. A little less with the feeling of it being totally out of my hands.
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· Reply · 1
· 2 May at 21:14
Meredith Moeckel I love your idea Stan!! I have umpteen boxes of my diaries from umpteen years gone by. When Warren brought me a box of my older diaries I read several & realized that they were somewhat repetitive....and also on the negative side as you mentioned about some of yours. I haven't written in quite a while & I like your idea about "the positive". However, I just can't help but believe that it's also healing to get out the negative also.
I'll think about this further! Thanks for sharing my friend.
LikeShow More Reactions
· Reply · 2
· 3 May at 19:09
Linda Eva Williams Nicely stated, Meredith. I love your reference to the healing by dealing - with our struggles.
LikeShow More Reactions
· Reply · 1
· 3 May at 23:35
Linda Eva Williams I was clearly still under anaesthesia when I rather abruptly made my comment. Having re-read your words, I find them to be positive, though I must admonish you for saying "not-so-bad-life". You have led an exemplary life.
LikeShow More Reactions
· Reply · 1
· 3 May at 23:40
Stan Burfield Ha ha. Exemplary but difficult. How's that? :)
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· Reply · 1
· 3 May at 23:43
Linda Eva Williams Did you take that excellent photo with the book and coffee Mug?
LikeShow More Reactions
· Reply · 4 May at 00:54
Stan Burfield no. I've found if I don't put a photo with a posting on Weebly (my blog) it just puts a black square there. Distracting.
LikeShow More Reactions
· Reply · 4 May at 01:28
Linda Eva Williams No kidding. More of a deterrent.
LikeShow More Reactions
· Reply · 4 May at 02:06
Leslie Morris Sounds kinda like you're going to start a gratitude journal
LikeShow More Reactions
· Reply · 1
· 4 May at 03:41
Stan Burfield But gratitude to whom? I'm an agnostic. To myself, I guess. Yes, that works. Thanks to myself for having a good time, which makes sense as it's most'ly a matter of attitude, me not being very oppressed by my surroundings as some are.
LikeShow More Reactions
· Reply · 4 May at 13:47
Leslie Morris Who said you have to be grateful TO someone? You just need to be grateful FOR something.
LikeShow More Reactions
· Reply · 1
· Yesterday at 03:57
Stan Burfield I guess you're right. Though glad might be a bit more precise term. A little less with the feeling of it being totally out of my hands.
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