A life-long lack of confidence is very disabling. Outwardly it displays itself as shyness, at least in people like me. Lately, I've worked on my shyness and it no longer seems to have a grip on me, but oddly the underlying lack of confidence never leaves. The problem is that my new openness continually throws me into situations that can reduce my confidence even further. Negative reinforcement. Which shyness had prevented.
A while ago, my lack of confidence was greatly exacerbated by a simple misunderstanding that made me feel a fool in a situation where everyone was trying their best to be perfect to make it all work. Afterwards, I talked to my sister about my feelings, and she pulled out a quote from her religion which affected me greatly: "I give men weakness that they may be humble." Not being religious and never having read the Bible, I had to think pretty hard about this. Of course, the speaker is Jesus, and the intent of the humbleness in the quote is that people who are humble can be humble to God. But my sister meant me to see how it would apply to me, an agnostic, and I did. A person who has weaknesses and acknowledges those weaknesses automatically becomes an equal to other people, not only to those with weaknesses of their own, but to everyone.
In my case, the idea helped me move away from the precipice of depression by helping me accept the reality of myself as an ordinary flawed human being, and so to accept it even in the eyes of others who were striving to be perfect. Suddenly, there I was, a citizen again, happy just to take part.
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A while ago, my lack of confidence was greatly exacerbated by a simple misunderstanding that made me feel a fool in a situation where everyone was trying their best to be perfect to make it all work. Afterwards, I talked to my sister about my feelings, and she pulled out a quote from her religion which affected me greatly: "I give men weakness that they may be humble." Not being religious and never having read the Bible, I had to think pretty hard about this. Of course, the speaker is Jesus, and the intent of the humbleness in the quote is that people who are humble can be humble to God. But my sister meant me to see how it would apply to me, an agnostic, and I did. A person who has weaknesses and acknowledges those weaknesses automatically becomes an equal to other people, not only to those with weaknesses of their own, but to everyone.
In my case, the idea helped me move away from the precipice of depression by helping me accept the reality of myself as an ordinary flawed human being, and so to accept it even in the eyes of others who were striving to be perfect. Suddenly, there I was, a citizen again, happy just to take part.
From Facebook, likes: ...17...Robert Gregory Seaton, Erin Kelly and 15 others
Comments
For the many comments, press Read More below..................
Colin Smith Good on ya, Stan!
Unlike · Reply · 1 · 6 December at 13:51
Stan Burfield Thanks, Citizen Colin!
Like · Reply · 1 · 6 December at 13:51
Write a reply...
Donald Brackett Kudos Stan. You are a brave being.
Unlike · Reply · 2 · 6 December at 13:53
Stan Burfield Yeah, that's something people lacking confidence have to develop. No question. Courage.
Like · Reply · 2 · 6 December at 13:55
Hide 15 Replies
Donald Brackett Just remember that courage is not the absence of fear, it's staring fear in the face and stepping forward anyway.
Like · Reply · 1 · 6 December at 13:56
Stan Burfield Yeah, that's how I got rid of my shyness. By becoming a social organizer. I nearly had a heart attack from fear, continually, for the first three years. Now I'm okay. The next open mic is tomorrow evening. I introduce it as usual, and I have no anxiety about it at all right now. I don't even prepare for it very much, which is part of my therapy, to just get up there and make a fool of myself. But people accept it, which is always a little amazing, and that's how I learn that it's okay just to be my imperfect self.
Like · Reply · 2 · 6 December at 14:02 · Edited
Donald Brackett and by being our imperfect self, we actually become perfect.
Like · Reply · 6 December at 14:06
Stan Burfield Well, I would rather say that by being imperfect we can become ourselves.
Like · Reply · 6 December at 14:09
Stan Burfield (Two ways of looking at it.)
Like · Reply · 6 December at 14:09
Donald Brackett Same thing really. I have no allergy to either being myself or being perfect, they're synonymous to me. It's human beings I'm allergic to.
Like · Reply · 6 December at 14:09
Lynn Tait Courage is also being true to oneself. The good and bad. Authenticity. It's extremely creepy watching someone copy cat others, who has no real emotional connection to anything, but has perfected the correct responses. Its also sad, because there is a real sense of desperation to it. They must be seen in a good light no matter what, and will throw anyone under the bus in order to maintain that image. But it's still creepy. I don't think you have anything to worry about, Stan. You have been so open with your strengths and weaknesses.
Like · Reply · 1 · 6 December at 14:10
Stan Burfield Donald Brackett Right. I know what you mean. For some reason we can totally love a dog, but a human, whom we should be so much closer to, seems so much more difficult to relate to.
Like · Reply · 1 · 6 December at 14:11
Donald Brackett I'm much closer to cats and dogs, especially to crows and ravens...besides, who says we're supposed to be closer to humans? Children are okay, up to about the age of nine or so, by which time their souls seem to freeze.
Unlike · Reply · 1 · 6 December at 14:12
Stan Burfield Lynn Tait Lynn, yeah I love to see people being authentic. I've always enjoyed most in people seeing those unexpected things. When I study someone to the point where they are predictable, because they seem to perfectly fit some social mould, and then w...See more
Like · Reply · 2 · 6 December at 14:20
Donald Brackett I tend to subscribe to the insight provided by a great philosopher named George Burns: "Authenticity is the most important thing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
Like · Reply · 6 December at 14:21
Stan Burfield Ha ha. Yeah, for a comedian, especially, that would be important. A comedian's livelihood depends upon people being able to relate to him, and the humour just about always has to do with authentic behaviours of people that would embarrass them if people knew about them. So a comedian has to learn to fake it. It's kind of like a magic trick, I guess.
Like · Reply · 6 December at 14:25
Lynn Tait Donald Brackett hahaha!
Like · Reply · 6 December at 14:41
Donald Brackett Stan Burfield oh man....we're all existential comedians in the end!
Unlike · Reply · 1 · 6 December at 14:43
Stan Burfield Good one, Donald!!
Like · Reply · 6 December at 14:44
Colin Smith Good on ya, Stan!
Unlike · Reply · 1 · 6 December at 13:51
Stan Burfield Thanks, Citizen Colin!
Like · Reply · 1 · 6 December at 13:51
Write a reply...
Donald Brackett Kudos Stan. You are a brave being.
Unlike · Reply · 2 · 6 December at 13:53
Stan Burfield Yeah, that's something people lacking confidence have to develop. No question. Courage.
Like · Reply · 2 · 6 December at 13:55
Hide 15 Replies
Donald Brackett Just remember that courage is not the absence of fear, it's staring fear in the face and stepping forward anyway.
Like · Reply · 1 · 6 December at 13:56
Stan Burfield Yeah, that's how I got rid of my shyness. By becoming a social organizer. I nearly had a heart attack from fear, continually, for the first three years. Now I'm okay. The next open mic is tomorrow evening. I introduce it as usual, and I have no anxiety about it at all right now. I don't even prepare for it very much, which is part of my therapy, to just get up there and make a fool of myself. But people accept it, which is always a little amazing, and that's how I learn that it's okay just to be my imperfect self.
Like · Reply · 2 · 6 December at 14:02 · Edited
Donald Brackett and by being our imperfect self, we actually become perfect.
Like · Reply · 6 December at 14:06
Stan Burfield Well, I would rather say that by being imperfect we can become ourselves.
Like · Reply · 6 December at 14:09
Stan Burfield (Two ways of looking at it.)
Like · Reply · 6 December at 14:09
Donald Brackett Same thing really. I have no allergy to either being myself or being perfect, they're synonymous to me. It's human beings I'm allergic to.
Like · Reply · 6 December at 14:09
Lynn Tait Courage is also being true to oneself. The good and bad. Authenticity. It's extremely creepy watching someone copy cat others, who has no real emotional connection to anything, but has perfected the correct responses. Its also sad, because there is a real sense of desperation to it. They must be seen in a good light no matter what, and will throw anyone under the bus in order to maintain that image. But it's still creepy. I don't think you have anything to worry about, Stan. You have been so open with your strengths and weaknesses.
Like · Reply · 1 · 6 December at 14:10
Stan Burfield Donald Brackett Right. I know what you mean. For some reason we can totally love a dog, but a human, whom we should be so much closer to, seems so much more difficult to relate to.
Like · Reply · 1 · 6 December at 14:11
Donald Brackett I'm much closer to cats and dogs, especially to crows and ravens...besides, who says we're supposed to be closer to humans? Children are okay, up to about the age of nine or so, by which time their souls seem to freeze.
Unlike · Reply · 1 · 6 December at 14:12
Stan Burfield Lynn Tait Lynn, yeah I love to see people being authentic. I've always enjoyed most in people seeing those unexpected things. When I study someone to the point where they are predictable, because they seem to perfectly fit some social mould, and then w...See more
Like · Reply · 2 · 6 December at 14:20
Donald Brackett I tend to subscribe to the insight provided by a great philosopher named George Burns: "Authenticity is the most important thing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
Like · Reply · 6 December at 14:21
Stan Burfield Ha ha. Yeah, for a comedian, especially, that would be important. A comedian's livelihood depends upon people being able to relate to him, and the humour just about always has to do with authentic behaviours of people that would embarrass them if people knew about them. So a comedian has to learn to fake it. It's kind of like a magic trick, I guess.
Like · Reply · 6 December at 14:25
Lynn Tait Donald Brackett hahaha!
Like · Reply · 6 December at 14:41
Donald Brackett Stan Burfield oh man....we're all existential comedians in the end!
Unlike · Reply · 1 · 6 December at 14:43
Stan Burfield Good one, Donald!!
Like · Reply · 6 December at 14:44
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