Last night I I woke to a fire in the house, in the house I was living in in my dream. I was half-heartedly trying to put it out, but it quickly got out of control. I gave up and woke up. I lay there sweating, thinking about my life. If there really were a fire in our apartment, so much of my life would disappear. I still have boxes of bits and pieces from all back through the last sixty years. I never look at them. But I've never been able to throw them out. And now my life is nearly over. I'm still obsessing on all the unfinished attempts at things, the directions, the false starts. The longer my life drags on, the more of them I drag behind me. Pacing around the apartment, wide awake now, anxious, I thought I'd better just start living right now. And forget the past. It's finally time. If I'm ever going to. No more living a little now but mostly back then, mostly over there and there. I need to slash it all off and jump right in and be WHOLLY here for the first time in my life. Clean. Complete.
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Comments
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Sheila Deane Your life is not nearly over. I think every day over sixty feels ten times as interesting and powerful and engaged as those years over twenty. Because we learned how to notice. And we learned how to care.
Like · Reply · 3 · 5 hrs
Stan Burfield It seems that way alright. It's not just passing me by anymore.
Like · Reply · 2 · 26 November at 18:57
Margaret Bird Sounds like a good plan, Stan - one for the next 50 years :-)
Unlike · Reply · 2 · 26 November at 19:15
Nicolas Béaud Chinese cookie: You will get over it and get bored again
Like · Reply · 2 · 26 November at 19:44
Stan Burfield One thing I very seldom have ever been is bored!
Like · Reply · 2 · 26 November at 20:08
Linda Eva Williams Please don't say things like your life "dragging on" :(
Like · Reply · 26 November at 21:10
Linda Eva Williams However, a good cleanse is liberating; just don't look at stuff before you toss it or it will never get done.
Like · Reply · 1 · 26 November at 21:12
Stan Burfield Oh, that's where that came from. Did you ever see the movie, "The Missionary", I think it was, with Robert Dinero as a Spanish soldier in South America, dragging a big bag of his military equipment behind him, which was his guilt.
Like · Reply · 2 · 26 November at 21:14
Stan Burfield Looking at stuff first. Yeah, you're probably right.
Like · Reply · 26 November at 21:16
Meredith Moeckel I can totally relate to almost everything you're saying. Be grateful that you are definitely blessed dear Stan...And that you're never bored. What about a book idea surrounded by your dream called "Fire"? I've always wanted to write a book but I don't know how I can do it in my present condition. Thanks!
Like · Reply · 1 · Yesterday at 00:10
Stan Burfield Meredith Moeckel Ha ha. Good idea! I do have a pretty good idea for a novel I've been thinking about quite a while, and it does have dreams in it. Who knows.
Like · Reply · 1 · Yesterday at 00:13
Meredith Moeckel That's a funny movie!
Like · Reply · Yesterday at 00:20
Write a reply...
Donald Brackett let go of everything except joy.
Like · Reply · 2 · 26 November at 20:29
Donald Brackett and poetry.
Like · Reply · 1 · 26 November at 20:29
Stan Burfield something along those lines
Like · Reply · 2 · 26 November at 20:31
Write a reply...
Karen Lowes I just moved. I thought we had down-sized but I was wrong. I'm still going through all kinds of old paperwork that I could have thrown out years ago! Not to mention projects that I never should have started. It's gone or it's all going. I will never miss it and I don't want it to become a problem for others if something happens to me.
Unlike · Reply · 4 · 26 November at 22:42
Stan Burfield ha ha. There you go.
Like · Reply · 26 November at 22:47
Write a reply...
Violetta Josefina Martinez We are all getting there! Past or the present , whatever makes you happiest. Live it!!
Unlike · Reply · 2 · Yesterday at 00:13
Patricia Black I'm in the same space as you, Stan.
Unlike · Reply · 1 · Yesterday at 00:14
Linda Elaine Lucas Maybe a deliberate, but controlled, fire is in order? I have to say I've done that when my projects started to own me.
Like · Reply · 1 · 16 hrs
Stan Burfield Yes, that's probably how it has to go. The out-of-control fire is the dream.
Like · Reply · 13 hrs
Write a reply...
Czandra Mostly and so you did. Well done!
Like · Reply · 1 · 13 hrs
Frank Beltrano Don't do the "My life is nearly over shit" there is only the moment that you are in NOW...write a poem, Stan....may it be your best!
Unlike · Reply · 1 · 13 hrs
Stan Burfield I appreciate what you're saying, Frank, but actually I like the "life is nearly over" thing. It's a very different, in my life, from the previous version, which was the "My life will go on forever, so there's no point in starting anything new now" idea. It has really helped to clarify my priorities and values since retiring, and has given me incentive to chuck off the past and start living totally now. And it's why I originally decided to try to get rid of my shyness, and did. Which is why we have a London Open MIc, amongst many other little revelations in my life.
Like · Reply · 6 hrs · Edited
Write a reply...
Tina Pickard Maybe if you embrace the fire you will not feel so anxious to put it out and therefore continue on cruise, that way you are sure not to miss anything along the way.
Like · Reply · 12 hrs
Stan Burfield In the dream symbology books, fire can represent a difficult transition, which it likely does here. And in a house? In most of my dreams, a house represents my self. So I'm struggling to change my self, which I've been doing consciously for most of my life, to get rid of my shyness and general anxiety, but the last few years I'm doing it successfully, out in the world, not just as an internal desire. And now I'm seeing that so much of the starts and stops of my past, which seemed to define the weird character I was to myself, were simply products of that shyness and of trying to get by in the world with all that tremendous anxiety. So I think the fire in my house represents throwing out all those past ideas of myself and starting with a new image. Which isn't easy because all you have to define yourself is past situations and how you behaved in them. And over 60 years that idea becomes pretty solid. The trick for me then is to somehow step outside of it and quickly create something new that I can define myself as.
Sheila Deane Your life is not nearly over. I think every day over sixty feels ten times as interesting and powerful and engaged as those years over twenty. Because we learned how to notice. And we learned how to care.
Like · Reply · 3 · 5 hrs
Stan Burfield It seems that way alright. It's not just passing me by anymore.
Like · Reply · 2 · 26 November at 18:57
Margaret Bird Sounds like a good plan, Stan - one for the next 50 years :-)
Unlike · Reply · 2 · 26 November at 19:15
Nicolas Béaud Chinese cookie: You will get over it and get bored again
Like · Reply · 2 · 26 November at 19:44
Stan Burfield One thing I very seldom have ever been is bored!
Like · Reply · 2 · 26 November at 20:08
Linda Eva Williams Please don't say things like your life "dragging on" :(
Like · Reply · 26 November at 21:10
Linda Eva Williams However, a good cleanse is liberating; just don't look at stuff before you toss it or it will never get done.
Like · Reply · 1 · 26 November at 21:12
Stan Burfield Oh, that's where that came from. Did you ever see the movie, "The Missionary", I think it was, with Robert Dinero as a Spanish soldier in South America, dragging a big bag of his military equipment behind him, which was his guilt.
Like · Reply · 2 · 26 November at 21:14
Stan Burfield Looking at stuff first. Yeah, you're probably right.
Like · Reply · 26 November at 21:16
Meredith Moeckel I can totally relate to almost everything you're saying. Be grateful that you are definitely blessed dear Stan...And that you're never bored. What about a book idea surrounded by your dream called "Fire"? I've always wanted to write a book but I don't know how I can do it in my present condition. Thanks!
Like · Reply · 1 · Yesterday at 00:10
Stan Burfield Meredith Moeckel Ha ha. Good idea! I do have a pretty good idea for a novel I've been thinking about quite a while, and it does have dreams in it. Who knows.
Like · Reply · 1 · Yesterday at 00:13
Meredith Moeckel That's a funny movie!
Like · Reply · Yesterday at 00:20
Write a reply...
Donald Brackett let go of everything except joy.
Like · Reply · 2 · 26 November at 20:29
Donald Brackett and poetry.
Like · Reply · 1 · 26 November at 20:29
Stan Burfield something along those lines
Like · Reply · 2 · 26 November at 20:31
Write a reply...
Karen Lowes I just moved. I thought we had down-sized but I was wrong. I'm still going through all kinds of old paperwork that I could have thrown out years ago! Not to mention projects that I never should have started. It's gone or it's all going. I will never miss it and I don't want it to become a problem for others if something happens to me.
Unlike · Reply · 4 · 26 November at 22:42
Stan Burfield ha ha. There you go.
Like · Reply · 26 November at 22:47
Write a reply...
Violetta Josefina Martinez We are all getting there! Past or the present , whatever makes you happiest. Live it!!
Unlike · Reply · 2 · Yesterday at 00:13
Patricia Black I'm in the same space as you, Stan.
Unlike · Reply · 1 · Yesterday at 00:14
Linda Elaine Lucas Maybe a deliberate, but controlled, fire is in order? I have to say I've done that when my projects started to own me.
Like · Reply · 1 · 16 hrs
Stan Burfield Yes, that's probably how it has to go. The out-of-control fire is the dream.
Like · Reply · 13 hrs
Write a reply...
Czandra Mostly and so you did. Well done!
Like · Reply · 1 · 13 hrs
Frank Beltrano Don't do the "My life is nearly over shit" there is only the moment that you are in NOW...write a poem, Stan....may it be your best!
Unlike · Reply · 1 · 13 hrs
Stan Burfield I appreciate what you're saying, Frank, but actually I like the "life is nearly over" thing. It's a very different, in my life, from the previous version, which was the "My life will go on forever, so there's no point in starting anything new now" idea. It has really helped to clarify my priorities and values since retiring, and has given me incentive to chuck off the past and start living totally now. And it's why I originally decided to try to get rid of my shyness, and did. Which is why we have a London Open MIc, amongst many other little revelations in my life.
Like · Reply · 6 hrs · Edited
Write a reply...
Tina Pickard Maybe if you embrace the fire you will not feel so anxious to put it out and therefore continue on cruise, that way you are sure not to miss anything along the way.
Like · Reply · 12 hrs
Stan Burfield In the dream symbology books, fire can represent a difficult transition, which it likely does here. And in a house? In most of my dreams, a house represents my self. So I'm struggling to change my self, which I've been doing consciously for most of my life, to get rid of my shyness and general anxiety, but the last few years I'm doing it successfully, out in the world, not just as an internal desire. And now I'm seeing that so much of the starts and stops of my past, which seemed to define the weird character I was to myself, were simply products of that shyness and of trying to get by in the world with all that tremendous anxiety. So I think the fire in my house represents throwing out all those past ideas of myself and starting with a new image. Which isn't easy because all you have to define yourself is past situations and how you behaved in them. And over 60 years that idea becomes pretty solid. The trick for me then is to somehow step outside of it and quickly create something new that I can define myself as.
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