No doubt that sounds like no big deal to you. Well, to me, the only place I`ve ever felt like that in my life has been out in the wilderness by myself. And this social organizing is exactly the opposite of that calm zone, which it`s supposed to be because it`s my therapy to treat shyness. It`s my version of showing zillions of photos of blood-drenched war scenes to a soldier with PTSD. And it`s working. For instance, for the past six months at least, I`ve been dreaming of people at night. Nearly always before I was alone, adventuring through surreal landscapes. Now my dreams are full of people and conversation, social situations, people working things out together!!
Okay, so the open mic is curing me of my shyness, but I`m finding I`m still anxious. When I type, as I`m doing right now, I can feel my anxiety moving around inside me. And the big problem with that is that if I don`t cure this baseline anxiety, as well as the shyness, I will at some point simply stop doing the open mic altogether. And, as of now, I don`t see anybody with both the desire and the large amount of spare time (they would have to be working only part time at most, like I am) to take over from me.
So I`m counting on figuring out how to deal with the anxiety. I`ve started using the traditional techniques: exercise, meditation and trying as often as possible to be more in the present, and less the future and past (which works good so long as I don`t get distracted by anything at all). But now I have this new idea. I`m trying to find my calm driving zone while I`m doing all this open mic work.
I just thought of it last night, so it`s only the very beginning of a work in progress. But at least it`s MY idea. I own it. So it`s already a big part of me. Which gives it a head start.
You might notice, if you`ve been following this site in the past, that things may not happen as quickly as before, or as smoothly. Postings may not be written as well. And so on. That`s because I`m going to be thinking more about my own zone now, not so much yours. At some point they should mesh. Maybe.
If they don`t, doesn`t matter. I just don`t want to have to go live out in the bush for the rest of my life to feel like a tree.